Here Comes Godot
THE CHARACTERS
MR VLADIMIR, An unemployed gentleman, 40s, looks older
MS ESTRAGON, An unemployed lady, 40s, looks older
MR GODOT, Their visitor, elderly
MS GENTILE, A Social Worker, 20s
THE PLACE
The living room of Mr Vladimir and Ms Estragon
THE TIME
Recently
(A shabby room with a door on the left and
a table with three chairs in the center. A
Window is on the wall near the door, and a
Beat-up refrigerator is on the right. As lights
Come up, MR VLADIMIR and MS
ESTRAGON are discovered at the table)
ESTRAGON
Well now, Didi, what should we ask him for?
VLADIMIR
I would say… (He thinks).
ESTRAGON
(Impatiently, after waiting) Well!
VLADIMIR
I’d say we ask for… an awful lot.
ESTRAGON
That goes without saying, idiot!
VLADIMIR
Tut, tut, there’s no need to be insulting.
ESTRAGON
(Snorts) Sometimes with you it can’t be helped.
VLADIMIR
Well then, why don’t you tell me what to ask for!
ESTRAGON
(Thinks) For openers how about we ask for a million dollars?
VLADIMIR
(He thinks) How about we ask for five millions dollars!
ESTRAGON
(Laughs) You got that one right!
VLADIMIR
Thank you, ma dear. (He is making a list, licks his pencil) And now, what else?
ESTRAGON
(Shaking her head) I’m still caught up on that five million dollars!
VLADIMIR
Well, what would you say to a new Rolls Royce?
ESTRAGON
That sounds ritzy. (She stands up, walks about in her boots) And will you throw in a new pair of shoes to go with it?
VLADIMIR
Now, now, there’s no need to become greedy.
ESTRAGON
Greedy! For the love of Pete, Didi, I’m only asking for some new shoes!
VLADIMIR
With five million smackers you can buy new shoes!
ESTRAGON
That’s true. In fact, with five million I could have ‘em delivered.
VLADIMIR
(Laughs) Now that’s one for you, ma sweet.
ESTRAGON
(Laughing) And won’t these snotty neighbors be surprised?
VLADIMIR
(Outraged) What neighbors? Why, with ten million smackers we’ll get ourselves a mansion in the country.
ESTRAGON
(Raised eyebrows) Ten!
VLADIMIR
There’s no harm in asking.
ESTRAGON
(Shaking her head) Aren’t you the one?
VLADIMIR
That’s your trouble, Go-Go. You always think small.
ESTRAGON
(Sarcastic) Oh yes, I surely do.
VLADIMIR
I know you do.
ESTRAGON
I must think small, because I ended up with you, didn’t I?
VLADIMIR
(As if struck by a blow) Ooph! Now that was cruel!
ESTTRAGON
(Grudgingly) Yes, it was. And I’m sorry, Didi.
VLADIMIR
(Expansively) Well then, Go-Go, I can forgive you.
ESTRAGON
I’m sorry it has to be true!
VLADIMIR
(He shakes his head) You’re a hard woman, Go-Go.
ESTRAGON
(Snorts) You should’ve met my mother.
VLADIMIR
Well now, should we ask for anything more?
ESTRAGON
We don’t want to seem avaricious. (Pronouncing the word meticulously)
VLADIMIR
(The same) I’m not mercenary. (He holds up his foot) Why, these are still the shoes my old dad left me. (He gets a little misty-eyed) My mom tried to take them away from me by brute force, too. Let me tell you, ma dear. You should’ve met my mother!
ESTRAGON
But it’s just a pair of shoes, for Pete’s sake! A lady wants to look her best. (Also now a little bleary-eyed. She wiggles her toes, sticking out of her boots) I deserve them shoes. I do!
VLADIMIR
That you do, ma love, and also the ten million to buy them with.
ESTRAGON
So let’s get on with it. We’ll say a few appropriate words.
VLADIMIR
I should think so. It’s not like we’re entitled, without even asking! (Pause) Now let me think - (Pause).
ESTRAGON
Oh, for mercy’s sake! Now if it please you, Mr Godot, we would like -
VLADIMIR
(Quickly interrupting) If it’s not asking too much…
ESTRAGON
(With an irritable glance at VLADIMIR) If it’s not asking too much, could you spare us ten million dollars and a new Rolls Royce, and then… (With a meaningful look at VLADIMIR) you can forget all about those blasted shoes.
VLADIMIR
(With admiration) Now that’s generous of you, Go-Go.
ESTRAGON
I’m hoping that’ll seal the deal.
VLADIMIR
I’ll say Amen to that. (Pause) Now how long you think we’ll have to wait? (They wait a half a minute or so. He then rises nervously and begins to pace)
ESTRAGON
Pacing won’t help.
VLADIMIR
I was thinking a little drink might help pass the time.
ESTRAGON
(She licks her lips) It’s tempting, but I don’t know.
VLADIMIR
You think he’d look down on us for it?
ESTRAGON
I don’t like to take the risk. We’ve gone this far.
VLADIMIR
(He checks his watch) That’s so, but it is ten o’clock.
ESTRAGON
In the a.m…
VLADIMIR
Oh, mercy me! This waiting can kill a man.
ESTRAGON
And a woman, too!
VLADIMIR
We deserve what we asked for! Don’t we, Go-Go?
ESTRAGON
They tell you good things come to them that wait.
VLADIMIR
I know they tell you, but do you believe them?
ESTRAGON
Oh, sit down, Didi! You’re getting on my nerves!
VLADIMIR
I’m getting on my own nerves! This is outright cruelty!
ESTRAGON
(Uneasily) Shush now! Someone might just be listening.
VLADIMIR
(He makes a frightened face) Oh, right! I was only joshing, Go-Go. You know I was.
(Suddenly the door opens and MR GODOT
Bursts in. He is very short. He has a long
White beard. He looks around the room. He
Looks quite fierce except for his round figure)
VLADIMIR
(Eyes popping) Go-Go, it’s him!
ESTRAGON
(Also staring) I ain’t so sure.
MR GODOT
(With an Irish accent) Hide me! If it’s good luck you’re wanting, hide me, and I’ll give ya anything you’re asking for!
VLADIMIR
What did I tell you, ma love? This it it! Ho-ho! (He cavorts about the room)
ESTRAGON
(Shaking her head, astonished) I must say I never pictured him like this.
MR GODOT
I’m in me disguise!
VLADIMIR
Of course! (He dances around again)
MR GODOT
If it’s a reward you’re asking, stop that prancing, and find me a safe place to hide!
ESTRAGON
(To VLADIMIR) But why would he need a safe place to hide!
MR GODOT
Because the devils are after me, woman!
VLADIMIR
Devils! That’s logical.
ESTRAGON
(Nods her head, thinking) Yes! You know I’ll bet this is a test of some sort!
MR GODOT
Aye, and if you’re not hurrying, I’ll give ya a test with my… (He stares at his empty hand)… Begorrah! Now where’s me stick?
ESTRAGON
(Astonished, to VLADIMIR) He lost something?
VLADIMIR
(Shakes his head, perhaps in awe) His ways are truly mysterious, Go-Go.
MR GODOT
Now hide me and be quick about it, and I swear by the blessed saints I’ll give ya whatever you’re askin’ for!
VLADIMIR
That’s good enough for me!
MR GODOT
And you’ll nivir regret it! I’m a man o’ me word!
VLADIMIR
(To ESTRAGON) Think about that, Go-Go! If he isn’t, who is?
(Then suddenly there is another knock at the
Door. Startled, MR GODOT nearly jumps
Into ESTRAGON’s arms)
MR GODOT
(Clinging to her) It must be the Head Demon herself! Help me!
ESTRAGON
(To VLADIMIR) I think there’s something weird about this.
VLADIMIR
Think later! Act now! (To MR GODOT) Under the table!
MR GODOT
(Ducking under the table) Saint Patrick will preserve ya for this!
(Then as He ducks under the table, the
Door opens and MS GENTILE looks in.
She appears to be wearing a white jacket.)
MS GENTILE
(Entering, she is very large, buxom) Excuse me, but I’m looking for someone -
ESTRAGON
(Sotto voce, To VLADIMIR) That’s a demon?
VLADIMIR
Be wary, ma love, it’s a disguise, a sneaking disguise!
MS GENTILE
Have you by chance seen a short fat little pseudo-leprechaun - (She now spies MR GODOT) Aha! There you are! All right, come along!
MR GODOT
(Boldly defiant) I won’t! (VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON watch, amazed)
MS GENTILE
You won’t?
MR GODOT
(Less defiant) You can’t make me!
MS GENTILE
(She considers it) Well, maybe I can’t…
MR GODOT
(Taking renewed heart) You bet your sweet Aunt Bridget ya can’t!
MS GENTILE
Maybe not, but I can call for Washington and Jefferson, you little elf!
VLADIMIR
(Gasps, to ESTRAGON) The Presidents? (She gives him a derisive look)
MR GODOT
(Great alarm) You wouldn’t be doin’ that!
MS GENTILE
No, I wouldn’t… not unless you make me! Now come along quietly, and quit bothering these good people. (She suddenly reaches in, quick as a flash, and grabs him by the nose) Now then, out with you!
MR GODOT
Ouch! That does hurt, darlin’!
MS GENTILE
I’ll show you hurt, if you don’t get a move on! How’d you escape this time?
MR GODOT
(Chuckling) Me ways are mysterious.
MS GENTILE
(Shaking her head, To VLADIMIR and ESTRAGON) He’s an old devil! But he’s harmless. (To MR GODOT) Come on, it’s time for your lunch!
MR GODOT
Ouch! You’re pullin’ me nose off!
MS GENTILE
(Threateningly) If you give me any more trouble, I’ll pull more than your nose off!
VLADIMIR
(Aside, To ESTRAGON) I think she means that!
MR GODOT
(He smiles placatingly) Aisy there, darlin’, aisy! I’m comin’! I’m comin’! Can’t you take a wee bit of a joke?
MS GENTILE
(She now chuckles rather affectionately. As she turns we can read ‘Bayside Mental Hospital’ on the back of her white jacket) Goodness me! I really don’t know what to do with you. (They are gone)
VLADIMIR
(After a long pause. He sits at the table) Well, ma love! Now that was a fiasco!
ESTRAGON
(Very sarcastic) You think!
VLADIMIR
(Shaking his head) Maybe we asked for too much.
ESTRAGON
(As before) You’re so right, Didi, you’re so right! Do you think it was the shoes!
VLADIMIR
(He looks up at her, and shaking his head, but perhaps with a gleam in his eye) Now there you go again, ma dear! Still thinking small!
ESTRAGON
(She is about to respond, then suddenly, she slowly begins to chuckle. After a moment,
VLADIMIR joins her. Then there is a BLACKOUT and…)
THE PLAY IS OVER